Taking Health Into My Own Hands

When the pandemic hit, I decided to go home to California for a little bit. Of course, I didn’t know “a little bit” would turn into six months. Since I went to boarding school for four years and then off to college, this was the longest I’d been home in eight years. 

The first month home seemed like the plot of groundhog day-the same day over and over again. I had all the time in the world, and I knew I needed to do something beneficial with it. 

Like many young women, I’ve struggled with my weight my whole life. I vividly remember being seven years old and my  friend asking me if I wanted chocolate milk, and I responded, “No thanks, I’m on a diet.” 

Growing up, I was always a little chubbier than the other kids. I always remember the doctors telling me I was just right, but then going home to the sugary snacks replaced with vegetables and my mom constantly measuring how much juice I was allowed to drink. Coming home for summer was filled with new diets that have never seemed to work, and always being jealous of watching naturally skinny girls eating their ice cream never having to worry about gaining a pound. 

When I came home for the pandemic, I realized that my weight had gotten out of control. In my junior year, I was suffered from extreme anxiety and depression. This led to the start of my binge eating habits. I would make excuses for myself that it was okay to eat more than I needed such as I had done poorly on a test or had a big school week ahead.

When I weighed myself for the first time I got home, I realized I had gained 30 pounds. This quarantine had given me the gift of endless time, so it was time to take control of my health. 

For three months, I strictly did the keto diet. Keto means no carbs, no sugar. I started cycling five times a week and found that I loved it. Four months later, I was three pant sizes and 30 pounds down. 

Although I dropped the weight, there were bad days in between. I worked at an Italian restaurant, so sometimes I would eat a piece of bread, and the guild would eat me away for the rest of the day, fearful that it would show up on the scale the next day. I realized that becoming skinnier didn’t make me feel better-I still looked at myself in the mirror as overweight. I couldn’t see the difference that everyone was complimenting me about. 

I started this journey last April, and it took me about a year to realize that it’s not about the weight I lost but the fantastic progress that I have made. In the past year, I have completely changed my eating habits. I am no longer eating large amounts of fast food, and I’ve gone from drinking two sodas a day to now drinking no soda at all. I’ve gone from exercising being looked at as a chore to now running in my first 5K last month for enjoyment.

Although I still struggle with binge eating and how I percieve my body the past year has given me an overwhelming amount of self-pride and how far I’ve come.